Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
