i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
