Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
