Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
