he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
