Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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