I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
