Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
