On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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