Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
