the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
