So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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