Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
