Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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