You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
