WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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