and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
