Cold hands, warm shart.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
