I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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