So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
