i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
