we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
