Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
