The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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