Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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