Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
