for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
