hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
be right there i have to get my cape
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
