i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
