Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
