He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
