this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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