I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
