Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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