We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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