We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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