Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
