see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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