when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
