dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
