I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They took my balls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
