He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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