I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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