the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
