so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
