my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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