I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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