all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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