are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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