i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
