We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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