Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
