I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
