first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
