she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
