Will you blow on my dice?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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